18 Monday Jun 2012
One must grieve, and one must go through periods of numbness that are harder to bear than grief. One must refuse the easy escapes offered by habit and human tradition. The first and most common offerings of family and friends are always distractions (“Take her out” — “Get her away” — “Change the scene” — “Bring in people to cheer her up” — “Don’t let her sit and mourn,” when it is mourning one needs)…
Courage is a first step, but simply to bear the blow bravely is not enough. Stoicism is courageous, but it is only a halfway house on the long road. It is a shield, permissible for a short time only. In the end one has to discard shields and remain open and vulnerable. Otherwise, scar tissue will seal off the wound and no growth will follow. To grow, to be reborn, one must remain vulnerable — open to love but also hideously open to the possibility of more suffering.
Don’t “move on.” Take time to grieve.